Confessions of a wisdom-lacker

Just yesterday I sat next to a lady at karate who about fell out of her chair when she found out that I had five kids and one on the way. “I could never have so many kids. Just one drives me crazy,” she responded. Then she found out I home schooled and she really thought I was nuts. “Doesn’t that drive you crazy being at home with your kids all day long? I could never do that,” she said.

Over the years, I have received the same “you’re crazy” kind of responses from hundreds of people when they find out we home school our ginormous family. Sometimes I respond, “Some days are harder than others” or “It actually is pretty fun” or “It is something we are committed to and it has turned out to be the best fit for our family.” However, what I would really like to explain is this:
I cannot do it either. And when I try to do it, it is a disaster. I am disorganized, I get stressed and I feel like a failure. I wish at times that I could send my kids off to school instead of being “stuck” with them 24/7.

That is when God gently reminds me that the decision to home educate isn’t about me and what I think is best. It isn’t about what I want my kids to learn or how I want them taught. The decision to home educate my children is all about Christ and his call upon our family. I have to die to my selfish agenda, comfort, and insecurities and allow him to do it through me. He has called us to a lifestyle of home education and he will equip me. He walks with me, encourages me, and answers in my times of distress.

I cling to this scripture in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all…” I almost want to laugh at this verse each time I read it (which sometimes is daily). IF anyone lacks wisdom. IF. Well, that category of wisdom-lacker is definitely me! What curriculum should I use? How do I teach 4 kids (with 4 different learning styles) in 3 different grade levels? How do I best help my child with a learning disability? How do I balance time spent between teaching and time for myself? What do I do with the younger kids as I teach the older ones? How do I grade Ryan’s 5th grade writing papers? How do I stay organized when it does not come naturally? How do I encourage my slow reader? How do I respond when my children don’t want to do school? Should I feel guilty about attending a morning bible study knowing that I should be schooling the kids? How do I make Christ the center of our entire schedule?

Yes, I am definitely a wisdom-lacker. But what a privilege it is to be able to ask the all powerful, all wonderful, abounding in love, the creator of the universe my questions and actually get answers! God is so faithful and He has never left me hanging. When I fully allow him to teach my children through me, I actually enjoy it. With Him working through me, I can actually have some creative ways to teach. With Him working through me, I can chose the right subject matters and books that glorify Him.

I recently read an article that resonated with me. It said, I always use to scratch my head quizzically when I read I Timothy, “The women…she shall be saved through childbearing…” until, a few years ago when I realized the work God has worked in me through mothering. It occurred to me that most of what is valuable in me came as a direct result of yielding to the process of living with my boys.

How true! God has used home education as a way to refine me and help mold me into the kind of women, friend, lover, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, teacher, and follower of Jesus, who He wants me to be.

At the end of the day, I always feel incredibly blessed to be able to educate my children at home. What an awesome privilege and responsibility I have to (as the same magazine article stated) not only teach history, but write history on the hearts of impressionable youngsters, and make an impact on multiple generations.